30 Life Lessons to Learn Before Turning 30

I just turned 30 today and, in light of the milestone, I decided to put together a list of important life lessons I have learned along the way.

I think reflection is an important part of life. With so many distractions in life, it can be easy to drift off course.

Hopefully, this list will help you reflect on your life, as it has helped me with mine.

1. Be proactive about your activities and hobbies

Many of my most enjoyable hobbies and activities have resulted when I decided to break away from my established routines to pursue a passion.

Taking the initial step can be daunting because, often times, you are comfortable in your ways.

Last year, I went to see my first improv comedy show with some friends, and we all laughed together, but when I suggested if any of them wanted to try it with me, none of them were interested.

I got started anyway, and it has been an amazing experience. Improv comedy is one of my hobbies now.

Even if you don’t stay with the hobby, you may still learn something about yourself. In college, I spent many weekends conducting diabetes research in the lab. I realized that lab work wasn’t for me but still learned a lot about the research process.

2. Explore new places and experiences during your 20s

Your 20s are a great time to explore without a lot of responsibility.

For me, it was important to go on a Eurotrip, see Thailand, and do a software engineering bootcamp in San Francisco.

Those experiences may not be right for you, but whatever adventures you want to have, go do them while you are still young. As you age, your serious commitments will grow.

3. Family is everything

Always be there for family. Make the time.

Put in the effort to catch up with your parents. They still have a lot to teach you even as an adult.

4. You can’t force real friendship

Some people stay on the same wavelength as you over time and others drift apart as priorities change. And that’s okay.

It doesn’t take away what you had with them, and you can always reminisce about “the good times” when you see them, even if things aren’t what they once were.

Keep trying to make new friends over time. You won’t replace old ones, but the new friendships will still bring you happiness.

The few friends who you can go a while without talking to and then pick up right where you left off are probably your closest ones. Make time for them.

5. When you are mad at someone else, you are probably more mad at yourself

Your roommate ate the pizza you just bought and now you are angry because that was supposed to be your dinner.

Did you make it clear that you don’t like to share food, except for special events? Did you renew the lease, despite having reservations due to previous confrontations?

Often times, there are things we could have done to prevent the situation and that’s why we are actually mad.

6. Be the change you want to see in the world

The only person whose actions you can control is yourself.

Stop worrying about what other people are doing or not doing. You can’t control them. If you have said your piece in a respectful way, at some point you have to let things go.

Besides, the best way to inspire people is live the life you want to see in others.

Look inside for the change.

7. Don’t chase happiness, chase meaning

Definitely develop habits and do things that will make you happier in the long-run — eat healthy, get enough sleep, get outside, exercise, lower your work commute time, etc. But don’t try to focus on being happy every second of the day.

Even if it was theoretically possible to do that, you probably wouldn’t want to because that would signify you consistently picked short-term pleasure over long-term meaning. And you would regret that at the end.

Anything actually worth accomplishing takes struggles and pain, e.g. raising kids, winning a marathon, etc. So rather than focusing on being happy every moment of your life, pick meaning, and “enjoy” the process, “enjoy” the pain.

8. Focus on the process, not the end result

One of my biggest role models is Tom Brady.

The reason he is widely considered to be the best quarterback of all time, is because he shows up to practice everyday with the same intensity as he does for actual games. He used to pay his defensive teammates in practice to intercept his passes. In other words, he paid them to make him look bad so that he could get better faster. He also enjoys the more “boring” aspects of preparation like eating healthy and watching football film.

The lesson here is that you will never get anywhere if you don’t enjoy the process to get there. Set goals, sure. Just make sure that you are finding meaning and happiness while you are in-between them as well.

9. Keep motivational materials easily accessible

I like motivational quotes, personally.

Emotions in life ebb and flow and so it’s important to keep coming back to inspirational quotes/speeches/etc. to re-invigorate you.

You will take detours in life and feel temporarily uninspired. Depending on how long the funk lasts, you may feel the urge to give up on a habit or a project because you feel your break has been too long.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. This happens to everyone.

Just don’t give up! Get back in the game!

10. Keep a broad perspective when you feel down

Sometimes things don’t go your way, and that’s life.

It can be easy to really be weighed down by the negative emotions, and feel that no one else can relate to the experience you are going through. Especially in the moment.

At these times, it’s important to step outside of your immediate emotions and see the larger picture.

There is a lot of suffering in this world. We are alone together. Try to see the bigger picture and appreciate what you have. Which leads me to…

11. Be grateful

Every night before bed, I like to remind myself of 3 things I am grateful for that day.

This can be hard on some days because sometimes my mind is spinning and thinking about what I don’t have or what I just lost (and used to have). I catch myself, and remember to be grateful.

You have things to be grateful for too, just like I do, so appreciate them.

12. Work with the natural flow of life, not against it

Sometimes life takes you in unexpected directions.

At these times, it is up to you to determine if this unexpected direction is actually welcome or just a temporary detour.

The only way to know for sure is to have a strong understanding of yourself.

When I was in college, I really wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to help others. I was stubborn and despite numerous warning signals that medicine may not be the best career choice for me, I continued onward. It was not until after a long period of self-reflection, that I picked another career.

Figure out how to work with what you are given in life, and, most importantly, be ready to give up who you are at any moment, to become who you might be. When you are most scared to let something go, you would probably be better off if you did.

13. Don’t compare your life to others

Everyone is on their own path.

Everyone has different genes and experiences.

You are trying to be a better version of your self than yesterday.

Focus on living your own path. Without comparing. Be happy for others success. Help others on their path.

14. Eat healthy

You are what you eat.

Don’t think about how you feel while you are chewing your food. Think about how you feel 2 hours after meals.

15. Be selfish in your 20s

Not in a mean way. But prioritize self-growth.

You probably don’t have as many big commitments. This is your time to figure yourself out. Take risks. Fail. Learn.

Try not to repeat mistakes though. Life has a way of continuing to throw the same puzzle at you over and over again until you can solve it.

16. You can never show too much love

Pick your moments to be selfish, but the truth is you will be happier and more fulfilled if you can give more than you take.

Take what you need, but give all you can.

Love is very easy to give and is universally accepted.

If you love someone, tell them every day.

17. Pick a career that suits your personality rather than a personality that suits your career

You can only pretend to be a certain way for so long.

If you hate your career now and are playing ostrich instead of working on skills to get the career you want, then you will continue to be unhappy.

You work a lot of hours of your life. Take small, purposeful steps to navigate your career.

18. Meditate

I picked up this habit in my 20s and it’s a great one.

I didn’t get it at first…it feels boring while you are doing it.

The purpose is to train your mind to come to the present, and stay there for extended periods.

Just like any skill, it takes practice. Without training, your mind can drift to the past, future, or even imaginary scenarios that just aren’t even possible in life.

Invest in the mental exercise known as meditation, and you will be less distracted and better able to take on life.

19. Worry less

Try to limit worrying to things that are attached to big decisions. But even for those decisions, do your research, talk with informed people you respect, and then make a decision, move on, and stop worrying.

The truth is there are an infinite number of paths your life could take at any moment. Do you wear the green shirt, the red shirt, or the blue shirt? Alright maybe just 3 paths if you only have 3 shirts.

You could theoretically stress out about every choice you ever made because you could think about all the alternative decisions you didn’t make and what your life would have looked like if you did.

But here’s a secret of life: you really only have to get the big decisions right. The rest takes care of itself. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

You do yourself no good worrying about a decision that has two approximately equal outcomes. In fact, you do yourself harm, because you waste time worrying, being unhappy, when you could have just picked one and enjoyed yourself.

20. If you’re not failing regularly, you are probably playing it too safe

This one took me a while to figure out.

I just wanted to stay comfortable. Stay with what I knew.

The biggest risk you can take in life is not taking any. You will regret it in the end, of this I am sure.

Failure isn’t fun, because, in the moment, it really sucks, but you learn from failure, and so the new you that emerges after it (assuming you actually learned) is often better than the one that went in.

And, just to clarify, I am not recommending to go out and intentionally fail at something. Rather, I am highlighting the connection between risk and reward, and hypothesizing that the reason that you are not failing regularly is because you are actually not going after the things you want in life enough.

That was certainly true of me at one point.

So, show me, don’t tell me!

I don’t want to hear you talking about your dreams, I want to see you living them! Be willing to fail to achieve them.

21. Learn to be independent and solve your own problems

It’s good for your growth.

It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for help when you need it…we all go to the doctor don’t we?

But it does mean that when you have a problem, you don’t immediately go running to someone else, rather than trying to solve it on your own.

You may surprise yourself.

22. Limit alcohol intake

If you really want to accomplish your dreams, limit your alcohol intake. It’s a game changer.

I was forced to give up alcohol entirely for a year due to health issues, and it changed my perspective.

Limiting alcohol will incentivize you to go pursue healthier passions, and if you don’t have any passions yet, it will bore you into exploring potential passions. You won’t be sure how to use the extra time you formerly spent at bars.

23. Show persistence and focus in activities

As someone who likes to jump from activity to activity, it is only with time that I have learned the value of follow-through.

Any activity that you initially love will become boring at some point, and it is important for you to push through this feeling and stay committed.

I’m not recommending that you pick something you hate and persist through it, especially if you haven’t tried enough alternatives, but I am saying that if you found something you actually like, to focus and persist past the point where most people would give up.

24. Read more

Primarily autobiographies, history, and self-growth.

Admittedly, I’m still working on this one, but reading is important.

Go read a book!

25. Balance in life is important

Moderation in everything.

If you like Cool Ranch Doritos, eat them.

If you like reality tv, watch that.

Life should be enjoyed. Whatever it is you like to do, don’t forget to make time to do that. Even if others tell you it’s silly, or that you shouldn’t like it. Do it anyway.

26. Remember the small things about people

Make the effort.

They will really appreciate it when so many times relationships can feel transactional. This includes everyone from your best friend to the lady you pick up your dry cleaning from…her name is Carol, and she has a husky ;)

27. Treat every day as its own individual project

Don’t worry as much about 10 years from now. Don’t worry about yesterday.

What can you do today that will be a good use of your time.

Time is your most valuable asset. Don’t waste it.

Once you realize that each day has meaning, you appreciate the journey a little more.

28. Remember to laugh, smile, and enjoy life everyday

We’ve never met before but I can tell you at least one thing we have in common: neither one of us is making it out of here alive.

So don’t take life too seriously.

Yes, have serious goals. Yes make a positive impact on the world.

But, at the end of it all, if you were so pissed off the whole time you were doing everything, was it even worth it?

Wait, never mind, what am I saying? Yes it would be! Get back to work! And no smiling!

29. Express your authentic feelings

You don’t have to be a jerk when you do it.

There is a way to be respectful and also be authentic.

Be calm. Be polite. But don’t hold feelings inside, especially if they are important, you will regret it later.

30. Be humble

I close with my most important lesson: be humble.

When you think you already know everything, is probably when you most need to keep an open mind.

Be confident in yourself and your abilities, but understand everyone has weaknesses/blind spots. Be humble enough to know when you’ve made a mistake and appreciate it if you have people to lift you up when you fall.

Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is give an apology. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is listen.

Thanks for reading! :P